When Love Becomes A Duty….

I have this thought today” when Love becomes a duty”, It upset me in a way because the things you thought special becomes a duty. It feels like  that person you cared so much  don’t see you anymore as before;  yet an obligation. Im so naive when it comes to Love; to me it  is everlasting and should  feel it every moment,so my expectation from my beloved is to  reciprocate it the same  way. I don’t know if this is just hormones but Im becoming more sensitive this days. 

In the past I used to hear sweet-nothings thingy that tickles my whole body. When I hear this words utter ” I know you even before you know yourself” or ” we meet million years ago in the  past and you just dont recognize me;  It’s wierd right? but somehow it’s give me kilig (a kind of feelings that gives you goosebumps or chills) but seldom  I replied coldly or brush it off not that I dont like it but its kinda tacky (it blush my cheek). Honestly,  I really like it but awkwardness viel my entirety; in short  I’m   not a fancy person. 

My tacky conversation with Honeyko

I believe everyone is bless to expercience this kind of affection towards special someone; this kind of intimate and sacred feelings  that holds you dear . And I believe that it can only comes once in your lifetime and  the rest is just expercience. its difficult to find that someone with the same wavelength, commitment and undying love for you.In the course of time it falter or test how strong that bond is.We as a couple have so many contributions to that test. The humorous in it are not even worth to argue because some are childish. And the best thing is after a hard fight and not giving in , we end up talking about how we love each other (which cost us the whole night) then we get  sober, make peace and remind us that we cant live without each other. Once instances in that peace making; my  beloved says” If you can only see through my eyes; how beautiful you are and you will never worry no more”. Its a great feelings of security .  Then years passed by and still the same. I conceived and delivered four healthy humans. For that  I got insecure because of the changes in my body yet my beloved will whisper ” your still sexy and the lines in your tummy were sexier because it proves carrying our seeds of love”. Its really chessy yet it gives back my confidence and lift my spirit. 

Together Forever ❤

After more years, our conversation changes from swèet tongues to normal one. We still talk about problems,how our children or even politics that I hate. We end up over and over in an argumentative way  and make up  in the same all the time then it becomes a habit. I realize today that we become so comfortable that we taken for granted what we have in the past and right now. The love becomes a duty that it feels like it dictates an obligation to make your relationship work because you are responsible on that person. Life has norms to follow and duties are one  of them but my perception to it should not be only that way. Love should not  falter or change its form;  Its should be expercience every moment of your daily life with all sorts of challenges and only then you can rest. My heart shouting out” I don’t like this way, I want the old us”(the passionate and intimate us) well I guess I have to continue this life to know what future store for us in there. Its a very long way but I have to pray that Love is Everlasting. 

>^Defeat And Glory^>

Just back from the competitions in Asian Grand Prix Hongkong. It is held last 8-13 August 2016. I have mixed emotions carrying the results.  Prior to it my daughter preparations for the competition requires more time to practice her routines.Which everyday  she doing it even  in school break and  consequently got her injuries that led to  frustrations at times. The technique class starts at ten in the morning and end around twelve in the afternoon after that is her personal coaching along with other team competitors.  Then after the private coaching they have rehearsal from five thirty up to nine in the evening. While all this things is on going, seldom I watch her but most of the time I stay outside the ballet room to keep her focus and not be a nuisance.That was then.

We leave  Manila a day before the competition( we have so much struggles before leaving). Our flight as usual delayed for more than one hour. Im happy that I met some  of the parents competitors from same school so it eased my mind waiting and eventually we boarded and arrived safely in Hongkong.  At the airport while looking for ATM I bumped to one of the Korean actor named Ji Soo. I didn’t able to have picture with him because the bodyguard dragged him fast out of the airport.Just some glimpsed. 

FYI I’m Korean telenovela fan
Well… that was the seconds of my happiness.  

We took a bus ride going to our hotel. The bus number is A1 that led us direct to our hotel  in Youth Square just some small walking. We bought an Octopus card that can be use to pay various establishment like in a fast food, bus or MTR  etc.  Its 150 HK dollar for adults 50 is for deposit of the card. Our room is located at 14th floor. It’s comfortable and spacious which is good enough for the two of us. It has free  WIFI. The restaurant inside the building is expensive and  because Im on a  tight budget we eat our lunch and  dinner outside.  The area is near to the  malls and convenience store that we grab  some snacks for our room consumptions. 

Room 1415

Since shes competing, I took the oportunity to enrolled her in a ballet master class for four days (I shut my eyes  paying  this additional expenses) I saw some familiar faces from 2013 AGPHK competition and meet new one’s that I able to tête à tête to some with same sentiments.

Warming up before Master Class

The competition is on the second  day. Her elimination piece is Don Quixote, Kitri variation.  

My heart sunk watching her piece for elimination. She makes mistake on her routine but she done it well. I thought she wont make it to semi-finals because of that mistakes but she did and it caught me by surprised. 

JA038 is her number

Her semi-final piece is Harlequinade.

I don’t know, what’s going on that day that makes her weary  on the stage.  She didn’t dance her routines on the way it should be dance. She missed some parts of it for instance in her  “Pirouette; the minimum is three turns but she did just two when in her rehearsal she can easily did four turns. What I mentioned is some part of the dance and Im not expert in it so probably there are more lacking which the  juries eventually notice that makes her eliminated to finals. She was crying and upset of her self. I didnt say anything because I don’t want to added more heavy feelings to it. Shes harder on herself more than me. Im upset as well and makes me think and reflect  on the results. In my bubble thought ” Whats next???? Should I continue or let her stop???? It bothers me the whole time until we got home. I talked to my eldest son and husband and discuss  my thought about it. So lucky to have them because they are so positive in spite of our defeat.  They said go on and continue  what im doing of supporting her. Its part of growing up to fail. According to my husband ~ “Life is a battle and survival pit, you need to fail to able to make another strategies “. Later on, I have serious heart to heart conversation and exchanging thoughts with her at home and  after the competition shes more determine to work hard for her passion and dreams. Its good to see she have positive outlook in life even  after her defeat. And guess what??? She got in to another local competition and hopefully her hard work will pay off later. 

http://culturalcenter.gov.ph/press-room/ccp-announces-ballet-competition-2016-finalists/

Our journey didnt ends here. This is just a warming up for more challenging journey in the future. I really wish and pray that God will guide her on what shes doing and fulfil what is her meant to do in this life with flying colors at the same time feet on the ground without compromising her values for the sake of success.  This is my prayers not only for her but for all her siblings too. 

Our Welcome Home greetings from our sweetest boys

A Dance Mom Blog: 


Philippine Dance Cup Trophy 

Recently my daughter joined  PDC (Philippine Dance Cup) a local competition showcases talented dancers in a world of ballet in  a classical variation and contemporary dances which takes place every two years. She joins this competition  for the  third times and won so far. The first PDC,  she was placed second in a  Junior Division Classical Variation ages  12-13 Female  Category and won another award called Joy Coronel; its an award for a promising  dancers or a performers that give an exemplary skills in a dance(she’s eleven years old). The second time competition she placed third in Classical Variation ages 14-15 Senior Division Female Category and won  the same Joy Coronel award(she’s twelve  years old). This year she placed third in a Senior Division Classical Variation,  14-18 years old  Female Category  without Joy Coronel award yet awarded C-MAP (Composition  Movement Analysis program of the Dance Pull Project and World Dance Alliance Philippines )scholarship for 2017 (she’s  fourteen years old). There is no first  place this year because it didnt reach the classification  for it. 

Acts Manila Competitors 2016 FOTO C LHB

I documented this event to remind myself of this occasion because  its memorable to the extent that we didn’t  enjoy at all. It supposed to be a cheerful day but instead it replaced by a gloomy day  due to my  immaturity in front of my children. I usually posted stuff about my children achievements and happy moments. This is one of them but my daughter stop me; it feels like she’s  commanding me not to post about it with some kind of tone that irritable in my ears(when her puberty not hammer out; I could post to my FB page anything that I find cute or when they accomplish something, that was then) . I feel embarrassed in a way because her childhood  friends(who watched the event) are riding with us home .It’s a  sin for my children  to talk  with  different  tone in their voice; it is bothersome and I feel offended(I behave myself not to embarrassed  her).I stopped  talking to her and  continue driving until we dropped her friends to their place.  Im still  upset and without noticed,  my gear makes sounds like a horse that in pain. I panicked and fear viel  my whole body thinking what if the fast running cars  bump  into us for sudden stop.  Fortunately while I slowly moving  on the side; I saw the reason why it makes that crazy sounds; it shifted to manual gear and eventually I  shifted it to automatic and we went home safely. I got migraine so I slept early with the heavy heart  that night. 

The next day I cried waking up because last night incident still upset me. My daughter notice that I skip breakfast so she knocked on  my door and went inside saying ” Good Morning” I didn’t  reply and she repeat couple of times until I said Im not  in the mood to say good morning. She left my room uneasy. Still bothered and upset I called her and we talked. Then she explains to me why she don’t want me to post about her winning,  as she don’t  want her friends to get hurt for the congratulate post and  all those throphy is just a bonus because she dance for the glory of God nothing else. At first Im thinking if I should be proud of it or not. I mean we deserves  to at least post her victory not to brag about it but to recognize her hard work. I think thats the normal thing to do when you win on something (that’s me), you don’t  hide  it. I didnt get that part and somehow I tried  to perceive what message she wants to convey. Then tried to analyze our situation and to my realization, she is really unique from her peers of same age. Sometimes I asked myself if I teaches/ discipline her too much that she’s acting that way and it often puzzles me. On the other hand I am proud as she’s very sensitive and shows great attitude emphatically with others; my bubble thought. 

Acts Manila Competitors 2016 Foto C LHB

Then  when I checked her FB and mine;a few people greeted her victory or i think even forget she won third place or got confused  of my post because  I congratulate everyone without distinction which/ who win. It upset me more somehow.  I can do less about it, I move on and accept her for being herself. Anyway, I teached her that way so I have to live with it. The most important is she dances all  for the glory of God; nothing else. This incident is one of those days that I misunderstood her gestures. Sometimes we parent’s,  as for me;I over thinking and so worried of my children specially when I thought she/he will get hurt. I thought I have to protect them or show them that Im proud of them all the time. And my mistake is I always treat them like a baby. I forget that they already growing and having their own personality. They don’t like anymore a mom that is so clingy (as she said in one of our conversation). In my head; “what???? Excuse me young lady”, what are you talking about? then I realize that I have to let them go on their own way. Makes some mistakes learn from it and put back the pieces. This is some  basic  process of life  and trust in God for thy will be done. 

Foto C Rosby Melencio

☆☆☆Runway: The Ballet Recital☆☆☆

Foto C Acts Manila

It was 26 of June 2016; the moment I hold my breath and crossed my fingers for good luck for my daughter and the rest of the performers in the recital. She leads  one of the dance; titled  “Don Quixote” by Minkus, choreography by Marius Petipa and restaged by Ms.Chelo Gemina.The whole show last four hours, surprisingly  I didnt sleep at the  show. In the past, my eyes drop and I sleep in the course of the show not because its boring but some music sounds lullaby that makes you sleepy. 

Foto C Acts Manila

The whole show was successful and beautifully dance by students in different ranks and ages. They are so warm  to watch and the small kids were adorable and witty. The costume stands out in the perfect lightning  and the  choreography of the  dance  is excellent ( in my own opinion/ rather audience points of view). The theater  is full house  and lively while the audience are fully focus  and you can feel their presence enjoying the show. 

A superb expercience at the same time nervous because my daughter has  “Pas De Deux”(partnering) for the first time in classical dance and a  “Solo” in “Don Quixote,  Kitri (female variation) 

Foto C Acts Manila

 She also lead one of the modern/contemporay dance group entitled “Espoir” by French  choreographer Ms. Candice Behlert. 

Foto C Acts Manila 

It’s  overwhelming show that aside its great performances, it gives me sense of pride that my daughter shows her passionate talents  to the glory of God. I feel God’s holy spirit in Lormaigne dance as if she’s  invicible for  maintaining her momentum and grace showing what is performance is all about. Soli De Gloria!!!

BRAVO 👍👍👍

Foto C Acts Manila 

ABSTRACT //OMO(OnMyOwn)

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I shot this from our garden and did some editing on it.  I’m not professional photographer or artist but I do love photography and editing of images.  There are instances that my kids comments that its too colorful or mess up.  It’s upset me sometimes but I welcome their feed back.

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It’s my original images and did some trick from APP available for android.  I used a lot of app to tricked the images.

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I really wish someday I will able to do things about ART;anything about it.

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//I believe nothing is wrong to dream, claim it and own it//

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Abstract

Social Bullying (How we deal with it? )

Bullying is an old school topic before the birth of  twitter, facebook and other such  related social media.Social Media has a good reputation but as the time goes by some people misuses it. In the beginning,  I believe its not so bad because you can connect with your long lost friends, classmate and even relatives that living in the other sides of the world without so much cost. Exchanging news or whats going on in your life( And because of that I even register a FB account to all my kids) I may sounds naive but I did because I feel nothing is wrong with communicating with their classmate or friends; of course with my supervision and educate them the Do’s &  Don’t (unaware of what lies in the future).For how many years now nothing serious happen and everything were fine until recently someone in twitter bully her(My balerina daughter).
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(Above is the screenshot of the fake account used to bully my daughter, I cover the inappropriate words use)

I cant fathom what I read because all post were below the belt and rude for 14 years old girl.  She dont even have her first love or boyfriend experience then here it comes… post to twitter in public,  destroying and humiliating her verbally and emotionally.  At first my husband and I were furious about it and I nearly loose temper.In my head…  if I will find out who is she/he,  I will just grab  and beat him/her scarily(good thing Im still in control & we dont know who did it).

We communicate with our school and inform the Headmaster about it( in view of  the conversation it looks like from within) They investigated it but it goes nowhere.  I tried to report it in twitter help section but no success since it required the account name which already deleted. Its history!

We learned from this experience. We realized that Family communication is very important to tackle this kind of topic or situation.  We (Husband and I)are fortunate to established or able to build that kind of communication and relationship with our kids. My daughter,  in spite of the hurt and embarrassment, she handles it well.  Her spirit is strong enough to overcome this crazy stuff.Some signs manifested if you know your kids very well.

Here is the signs we noticed:
1.  She’s a happy kid, she suddenly become quiet.
2.  She’s irritable when ask of something.
3.  Usually she sleep in her room; if she  ask, if she can sleep with us in our room (that’s a red lights; it means she’s in trouble or something bother her)

We waiting for her to open up but before it happens, a friend of mine send me the above screenshot and it really furious us. Then we immediately called our daughter  and went to school.  She shows disinterested behavior at first, maybe because she dont want us to act rash assumption of the situation. We set aside our upsetting emotions because we care for her more (how she feels) than those  fallacious news that spread in the school.  We asked her how she is?  Then she vulnerable hug us and said nothing(I  believe she needs us more in that moment).  I was surprised, as her parents on that moment we did nothing except saying comforting words(when earlier of the news we are so furious)

Here are some comforting words we told her:
1.  The people and friends knows you won’t believe those kind of  hearsay.
2.  You know who you are and dont give in that kind of rude attention.
3.  Envious people usually used harsh words to depict  someone opposite of them   because they can never be good as you.
4.  Ignore it and show them that your not affected of their rudeness, eventually it will die and nobody cares anymore.
5.  Handle it with open mind but don’t back down.
6.  Explanations is only for guilty ones.
7.  Go to school the next day in spite of the situation;show them your not afraid and you are strong.
8.  To win in a battle from your secret enemy is to ignore them.
9.  Don’t be ashame of yourself because you did nothing wrong, they should be ashame of themselves because they did that to you.
10.  We love you and no matter what happen, we always here for you as one.

I think those comforting words and not acting rash on the situation really help her to handle it well.  I think its very important for her how we feel.  Showing that we are not affected of the hearsay gave her more confidence as a person. The next day when we talked about it and told her how we follow up in school, she shows no more fear and shame.  She even suggested that its difficult to find the culprit because the account is deleted.

We are proud of her because shes very strong now and more matured.  Good job Snowflake(our pet~name for her)We wish all our children will  over come all the difficulties they encounter in the future and I hope it stop there. Just sharing my sentiments.

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||Another Busier Day||

Foto C Acts Manila

This day is another busier day.  Wake up early to prepare for Recital photo shoot.  Its usually half day event. My daughter new pointe shoes was accidentally ripped off  by her co-ballerina in one of their show called ‘Pasinaya'(its a kind of festival for  dance/art which different company or school participate for their specialize pieces in arts and dance).  To make it short I have to buy a new one on that day. While my husband and daughter ate their lunch in a restaurant, Im sewing the point shoes and racing with time because call time is 1:30 local time.  The shop open at 11AM plus the fitting and so on, (Time presure) so imagine my haggard face sewing while the rest of my family happily eating lunch.  Dont get me wrong, it’s not a complain but a declaration 😜

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The good thing is the joy of watching our daughter posing in front of the photographer.  That kind of feeling of so much proud because she can do it alone without coaching her anymore.  When she was young I have to coaches,  demonstrate and advice her what to do plus her mood swing that she barely handle.  She smile often, control and handle her emotions on that pressure moments.  She puts make up and tied her hair on her own(she’s much better than me now doing those things) She makes us proud in simple things like that and took the opportunity to catch that very moment.

Foto C Acts Manila

She’s in between a little girl and a little lady,  A teeners that confuse at time and rebel on her own way.  But its OK,  she have to develop her personalities and bring out her best self to spread her wings and fly high as it can be to reach the focal of her goals and dreams.

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My busier day ends here!

Continue reading “||Another Busier Day||”

Reminiscing(Asian Grand Prix HK)

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C AGP-HK
A milestone of my ballerina daughter that I want to reminisce in the future. It was this day when I embrace and convince that she have potential in dancing ballet. She started ballet at six years old. At first I thought its just a hobby(ballet is part of school club) until she decided to continue even after school vacation. Her teacher in ballet Ms.Chelo Gemina convinced me to let her continue and told me that she’s gifted. I don’t believe it and I thought she just want to praise her to gain more dancers (my bad). And as years passing by, her teacher advice me to transfer her to main ballet studio to rehearse (school ballet club get boring as she dance with beginners ) which is 30-45 minutes driving from my house(depends on traffic). It’s  an after school rehearsal that will last 2-5 hours. Academic class dismissal is around 3:30pm local time, 5 minutes going home then rest. At 4:30pm we leave the house going straight to her ballet class up to 9pm in the evening. I hate waiting but I don’t have choice but embrace it for the sake of my daughter. There was this moment when I got angry and shouted at her because she’s not consistent in the 9pm dismissal(I blamed her just to release the feeling of being annoyed on waiting and make her feel guilty about it)I’m so immature that time.  She patiently listens when I nagged and just seat at the back of the car in spite of her being tired. That was then….we overcome all sorts of sacrifices, love and hate relationship as mother and daughter.  She turns eleven! 2013 is the year that gave her opportunity to join the Asian Grand Prix Hong Kong.

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Her teacher told us that she can compete. I had second thought not only of her skills (I thought she’s too young for International competition) and financially we (my husband and I)cant afford it. But God is so good!

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C foto to Lormaigne
To make it short, religiously and diligently after so many practices she made it to the competition(on the event she practice her piece in the lobby of our hotel because her category don’t have slot to rehearse in the studio).  She’s in Junior A Solo category. When her number called I was so nervous. When the music played,I was stun watching her like an angel in her light blue dress. She’s like a naughty cupid that keep turning and turning until the music stop. After successfully dance her piece, we waited for the result(the organizer post the result later that day) Time is long but waiting is over and she made it to final. I’m already happy for her and I thought its enough even if she don’t win for final(to be a finalist is  bonus because it’s her first competition abroad and her skills still lack; that was I thought). There was typhoon and I thought the Final competition will be cancel but God is good it didn’t,  time delayed  but show must go on. I feel the time stop when they call again her number. I’m totally nervous while her teacher beside me pinching my arms out of nervousness. She dances and dances and you can see on her face that she enjoys dancing that moment than her previous one before finals. Her teacher and I praying she wont loose the momentum and Hurray! She dance gracefully and beautiful. I heard the crowd loudly clapping and shouting how pleasant they feel on her performance. That was the moment I was really proud of her and small tears in my eyes (I hate crying in front of the people; very seldom people see me crying)

Cupid variation

C to AGPHK

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After the performance and tabulation, results were out and they calling the winners. On her category they started with fifth winner and so on until the three major winner.” Bronze winner goes to Number JA19 Lormaigne Hannelore Bockmühl “. I can’t express the feelings and all I can say “Thanks God”. I never expected it! Then she was called again for SoDanca Award. Another bonus!!!!

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C to AGPHK
My point of view about my ballerina daughter change in that exact moment. Realization struck me that I have to support her fully in that field she choose. I’m her mother for that simple reason because I’m her tools to achieve what she needs to achieve in the future. To reach for her dreams, to fulfill her destiny, to aspire and inspire her generation.

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And most of all to be her friend and number one fan. To guide and to push her abilities to the best that she can achieve without so much pitfalls. In the future I read again this blog to remind me how blessed we are to have a gifted daughter and hopefully she achieve her dreams and be successful in it and this is history.

Angel_Lara🍃

🔨 My Daughter Pointe Shoes(Ballerina Corner)🔧

When my daughter Snowflake ❄ started wearing pointe shoes(Age nine),I also started learning to sew them. Here is some tricks i learned from other ballet moms (that have  older ballet daughter than mine). Here is step by step procedure how I do it.

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Above is additional materials you need for sewing the pointe shoes.
FYI:
》I used dental floss as thread to sew the garter and the ribbon because its more durable and its not penetrating  on the outer layer of the other side of the pointe shoes.
》 I use lighter to burn both ends of the garter and ribbon so it wont snag.
》 Putting rubber/leather capping(Optional ) on the tip of the pointe shoes to make it last(I usually put it before but instead my daughter use Leukoplast (plaster used in injuries)

My Idea of Happiness 👪

I am driving on the way home when  my tears fall on my face. I was upset earlier due to an argument (preferred not to tell who). Im asking myself if Im doing a good job as mom? My husband(his pretty amazing)console me that never ever question myself being a mom because its the toughest job in the world and no one can only fit that job except a mother(what he always said when im upset or delve into  mood swing) Then I looked back on myself and counted what I’m doing everyday and what I did in the past that brought me here; in this position where I am now.

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