Recently my daughter joined PDC (Philippine Dance Cup) a local competition showcases talented dancers in a world of ballet in a classical variation and contemporary dances which takes place every two years. She joins this competition for the third times and won so far. The first PDC, she was placed second in a Junior Division Classical Variation ages 12-13 Female Category and won another award called Joy Coronel; its an award for a promising dancers or a performers that give an exemplary skills in a dance(she’s eleven years old). The second time competition she placed third in Classical Variation ages 14-15 Senior Division Female Category and won the same Joy Coronel award(she’s twelve years old). This year she placed third in a Senior Division Classical Variation, 14-18 years old Female Category without Joy Coronel award yet awarded C-MAP (Composition Movement Analysis program of the Dance Pull Project and World Dance Alliance Philippines )scholarship for 2017 (she’s fourteen years old). There is no first place this year because it didnt reach the classification for it.
I documented this event to remind myself of this occasion because its memorable to the extent that we didn’t enjoy at all. It supposed to be a cheerful day but instead it replaced by a gloomy day due to my immaturity in front of my children. I usually posted stuff about my children achievements and happy moments. This is one of them but my daughter stop me; it feels like she’s commanding me not to post about it with some kind of tone that irritable in my ears(when her puberty not hammer out; I could post to my FB page anything that I find cute or when they accomplish something, that was then) . I feel embarrassed in a way because her childhood friends(who watched the event) are riding with us home .It’s a sin for my children to talk with different tone in their voice; it is bothersome and I feel offended(I behave myself not to embarrassed her).I stopped talking to her and continue driving until we dropped her friends to their place. Im still upset and without noticed, my gear makes sounds like a horse that in pain. I panicked and fear viel my whole body thinking what if the fast running cars bump into us for sudden stop. Fortunately while I slowly moving on the side; I saw the reason why it makes that crazy sounds; it shifted to manual gear and eventually I shifted it to automatic and we went home safely. I got migraine so I slept early with the heavy heart that night.
The next day I cried waking up because last night incident still upset me. My daughter notice that I skip breakfast so she knocked on my door and went inside saying ” Good Morning” I didn’t reply and she repeat couple of times until I said Im not in the mood to say good morning. She left my room uneasy. Still bothered and upset I called her and we talked. Then she explains to me why she don’t want me to post about her winning, as she don’t want her friends to get hurt for the congratulate post and all those throphy is just a bonus because she dance for the glory of God nothing else. At first Im thinking if I should be proud of it or not. I mean we deserves to at least post her victory not to brag about it but to recognize her hard work. I think thats the normal thing to do when you win on something (that’s me), you don’t hide it. I didnt get that part and somehow I tried to perceive what message she wants to convey. Then tried to analyze our situation and to my realization, she is really unique from her peers of same age. Sometimes I asked myself if I teaches/ discipline her too much that she’s acting that way and it often puzzles me. On the other hand I am proud as she’s very sensitive and shows great attitude emphatically with others; my bubble thought.
Then when I checked her FB and mine;a few people greeted her victory or i think even forget she won third place or got confused of my post because I congratulate everyone without distinction which/ who win. It upset me more somehow. I can do less about it, I move on and accept her for being herself. Anyway, I teached her that way so I have to live with it. The most important is she dances all for the glory of God; nothing else. This incident is one of those days that I misunderstood her gestures. Sometimes we parent’s, as for me;I over thinking and so worried of my children specially when I thought she/he will get hurt. I thought I have to protect them or show them that Im proud of them all the time. And my mistake is I always treat them like a baby. I forget that they already growing and having their own personality. They don’t like anymore a mom that is so clingy (as she said in one of our conversation). In my head; “what???? Excuse me young lady”, what are you talking about? then I realize that I have to let them go on their own way. Makes some mistakes learn from it and put back the pieces. This is some basic process of life and trust in God for thy will be done.